It all began some years ago when I was roughly 12 and watched Night of the Living Dead.  Not a good film.  It’s very old, black and white, and I guess one of those “classic” horror films (read: more cheesy than scary).  Being the pansy that I am however, it scared the crap out of me!  Zombies attacking everyone, people boarding up windows and doors, a zombie corpse (redundant?) on fire beside abandoned gas pumps.  Then there’s that part at then end when you think everything is okay, then the guy opens the basement door and OH MY GOD there’s another one with just the whites of his eyes showing, and he comes staggering out to get you.  Thus began my fear of zombies. 

I only exacerbated the situation by watching Dawn of the Dead my junior year of high school, and then again about a week ago in order to “face my fear”.  Thanks, roomie.  The question is, why am I so afraid of zombies?  I am an intelligent person, I know they aren’t real and people aren’t goingto start rising from their graves, suddenly hungry for a human flesh sandwich (Flesh, it’s what’s for dinner!).  My logical side is consistently roundhouse-kicked by my very overactive imagination, and zombies continue to scare me half to death (though not near enough to death to cause me to yen for brains.) 

I have come up with a few possible reasons why I am so freaked out by the undead:

1.  Zombies F-ing Eat People!!
The reason being chased by a man with a chainsaw seems preferable to a zombie is because the zombie wants to EAT ME!  That whole concepts is freaky enough, and totally gross!  There’s also the fact that if a killer with a chainsaw hacks me up, I won’t die and come back from the dead as a chainsaw-wielding psycho.  Getting stabbed or shot with some normal weapon at least leaves you the option of survival.  One nibble from a zombie and you can just call it a day!

2. Zombies Are Some Tough Bastards! 
Zombies can take some hits before they go down.  You pretty much have to nail them in the head or they will just keep a-coming, missing limbs and all.  They don’t have any arms?  No biggie, they’ve still got a mouth!  Also, it’s not like they’re going to starve to death waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole.  If you’re dead, you don’t exactly need a lot of nutrition.  So zombies don’t need to eat you for sustenance, they just really really want to because you are so yummy.  Why can’t they just eat each other?  Why does it have to be living flesh?  Although, if a zombie bit another zombie, would that zombie just come back again, perhaps as a super-zombie?  I digress…

3. Last but not least-Zombies Are Really Hard To Get Away From!
Come on, we’ve all seen the movies.  Zombies can smash through windows like nothing, most of the time they can run really fast, they can take a whole mess of bullets without breaking stride…how is this going to end well?  Also, they don’t sleep, won’t die unless you inflict a serious head wound, and are impossible to reason with.  At least in a hostage situation you can attempt to cut a deal.  Once the zombies find out where you are they are going to come get you, relentless and hungry.  I have come to the conclusion that if zombies attack and I decide to hide out at our house, I will probably last about 15 minutes.  Let’s see, there are no guns, the windows and doors are pretty weak and easily smashed in, and hmm, what was it?  Oh, I AM REALLY AFRAID OF ZOMBIES!  I will most likely be curled up in the corner in the fetal position suckingmy thumb, not out on the front lines battling hordes of the undead! 

Personally, I feel that these are very understandable reasons for being freaked out about zombies.  So be advised: if you are going to play a prank on me and it involves zombie-like things in any way, be prepared to be kicked, punched, or elbowed somewhere vital and unpleasant.